super snoozy

Having a super snoozy Saturday thing going on. Babysat my dear sweet nephew Rocco last night and his parents and grandpa didn't get home till late late late. So now I am super tired. Looks like tomorrow will be the "cleaning the room" day of the weekend.

So in case people don't pay any attention to media and the world, Hurricane Sandy has totally f-ed with Jersey, NYC, and CT. We only got power back yesterday at like 5am, and being the beginning of November, it is starting to get pretty dang chilly. There are still a TON of people with no power, no gas, no homes (mostly NJ and NY) and it is just so unfortunate.  Took my GREs last weekend for the first time, got approved for an auto loan and am now working with Phil to find a good vehicle. So things are moving along ok. AND the best thing is that as of today, 26 days till San Diego with Princess Running Mascara!!! I can't wait- 6 days in Cali relaxing and wine tasting and zip-lining and B&B-ing and Zoo-ing and Shamu-ing and Spa-Day-ing! It is going to rock my socks off.

Meanwhile, the love life makes me want to cut my own heart out. With a spoon. I just want to make a deal with the universe in which I ask that only men that are available (aka NOT MARRIED) actually fall for me. Because this is getting obnoxious. Really obnoxious.

K. Getting super tired out.

Gimme a W!

W!!! Gimme a T! T!!!!! Gimme an F! F!!!! What does it spell?!?!? WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?

That is my response to today. I mean, most Mondays suck for most people, amiright? Several things contributed to my overall response:

A) Several people having "issues" with taking a required training session dealing with my particular area of expertise. As the junior associate of my group, with the Lead out most of the time working on special ops, I am the one that gets to enforce the training and subsequent test taking which, as I said, is REQUIRED. Some people think they don't have time for a 15 minute training & test. Some people have tried, but "the page doesn't load" or "I keep getting an error" or "I don't think my PC is compatible with this training SW". Seriously? STFU people. I have more important shit to get done than listen to you whine. You have an issue- call the f-ing help desk, put in a trouble ticket, or bitch to your manager about how you're "special and shouldn't be forced to waste precious time" on my GLOBALLY REQUIRED TRAINING & TEST!

B) Our client is trying to pull a fast one on us, not following THEIR OWN security protocol, and basically throwing a fit because I refuse to allow their little trick to go through as it stands. I will not have MY company (and more specifically ME) be blamed when later on, something comes back to bite someone. That ass that gets bitten will NOT be my company's, or mine.

C) Interrupting people is rude. If I have my headphones in, am on the phone, or seem to be incredibly engrossed in what is on my computer screen, DON'T JUST START TALKING AT ME and then expect me to know WTF you are talking about, and how to solve your problem. I don't come up to you when you are in the middle of something and just start rambling about my issues and expect you to 1- Follow my line of thinking or 2- Help me immediately.

D) My mother. What.A.Bitch. I was at work from 8am until 6pm today. It was a busy day, and since I have more energy earlier in the week, I try to work as much as I can on Monday (and sometime Tuesday) to get the shit that needs to get done, done. Now, keep in mind that whilst Jorge went to visit family & go to a wedding this weekend (she departed at like 5am Thursday) I had to watch her dog and keep the house from burning down. So that meant of course feeding the dogs, tidying up, doing dishes obv all the normal stuff. And she had wanted me to dust and vaccuum which never occurred. Because I  went on Saturday to discuss my benefit options for next year (health insurance and whatnot) with my dad, and then went to the Cider Mill with K, C and the baby. Didn't get home till late (though mind you, I did stop home and take Bailey Mae out and feed her so I was NOT neglecting the dog) and then Sunday I slept in, but then had some errands to run (including getting more dog food). Of course, Thursday and Friday I worked, so I wasn't gonna be vaccuuming during those days. So I got home this evening, like 6:45ish, and I go to go in my room to drop my purse (because Allah forbid that I leave it out in the common areas) and I find that I cannot open my door without really shoving it open. Why might that be, I wonder (as I am sure you are)? Because mother decided to roll the vaccuum with its stupid hose attachments and the cord (unwound, so all messy and tangly and everywhere) in my room, just inside the door. Now, was this a "I'm going to stick this right where you see it so you know that I'm mad you didn't vaccuum" thing? Or was it a "someone is stopping by and I don't want the vaccuum out in the hallway where I left it for you to find so you could dust and vaccuum"? I don't know*. But I don't really give a hoot which scenario it was. It pissed me off. It is just rude. Rude. Rude. Rude.

So that was what made my Monday unreasonably sucky. That and the fact that one of my best friends at work was being Mr. Grumpy Gills.

On a brighter note, autumn is bursting into flame and bringing out the last of nature's wild, passionate emotion before it turns into an ice castle of gloom and death. I love the colors of sugar maples as they turn in autumn. It just feels so intense when you see the reds and oranges and yellows and coppers and persimmion and scarlet and ruby and gold and saffron....I could go on forever. The point is, the spectrum of beautiful colors is astounding. And with the bite in the air....it just elicits a rebellious feeling, like it is nature's last stand before the freeze, and damnit, nature is going to go out with a bang. It makes me feel like being rebellious too. Makes me long for some grand fiery passion in my life. Of course, that is ridiculous. One would have to go out and meet people, and over time, have one person become special and THEN you might get somewhere towards passion, but not likely. Takes a long investment of time and energy. And I hate going out. I am generally not a fan of people. Making that whole "finding a person to love" thing rather a bit of a challenge.

So that is where we stand. For today. Now, to finish my orzo and cheese (I love scrounging for food....like some sort of rat in a stranger's pantry) and then I'm hitting the hay. 10 hours at work with dumb humans and then coming home to a fucking vaccuum in my room, wears me out.


*the reason I do not know what the scenario was is because J is out at Bailey Mae's obedience class*

After a brief absence, we're back

So, at the behest of one of my absolute best friends and favorite people in the entire universe, Phillip Blackowl, I am returning to the world of blogging. Sometimes I really do miss it. And now, I have a distinct purpose.

Yes Phil, I will include my commentary on the day-to-day, but I will also be taking a page out of another dear friend, Kelly Hawkins', book. Or blog. In a former life, K-Hawk wrote about what I will term the "bumps in the road" of dating and single life. I myself have hit so many bumps that the car representing my love life is currently sporting 4 flat tires and perhaps a broken axle. So things of that nature may pop up from time to time. Or a lot.

Tonight though, perhaps just some ramblings. In my day, I try to be as observant as I can, to see what people do, hear what they say, and try to interpret what the heck is wrong with the world today. I don't often get a clear answer, but I am generally amused by what I take in. Plus, I'm a judger. I try not to judge out loud, but probably anyone should know ahead of time, I am most likely judging you. This may make me an awful human being, this may be the reason I am 27 and single with NO PROSPECTS AT ALL, this may be the reason for a lot of things. But it is how it is with me.

For example, if I work in the same office as you, I will judge your attire, your hair, and your makeup (if you wear makeup and have hair that is). I feel that all women should be comfortable in their own skin, and god bless you if you have Sophia Loren's self-confidence no matter how your body looks. However, being comfortable should also mean that you are comfortable in your clothes. They should fit you properly. You shouldn't feel your jeans pinching as a wad of muffin-top squeezes upwards, you shouldn't feel like you are in armpit shackles because the openings of your sleeves are so tight they are cutting off the circulation from your torso to your arms. You should NEVER wonder if anyone is going to notice your heinous panty lines that are way too visible through your slacks, skirts etc. Similarly, your clothing should not be so loose on you that you are constantly hiking up your pants, or crossing your arms over your chest because your shirt is so large on your body that there is a decent chance your cleavage will be making an appearance. You are in a place of business, you interact with the client, and the only casual days in the client dress code is Friday. Friday, go ahead wear some jeans and a t-shirt (though preferably one not bearing the logo of alcohol or with holes in it because it is your "comfy" shirt) but the rest of the week, dress like an adult in a work environment that requires business casual.


Of late, I can't say much about anyone's hair, but makeup, totally different story. I personally wear makeup because I like to enhance my features with it, and occassionally to cover up a blemish or lack of sleep (under eye baggage is one of my worst enemies). Generally, I try to look fairly natural, not going all crazy bright with the eyes or the lips, and I don't wear a Pepto-pink blush (I'm super pale. it just makes me look like a prostitute clown- which somehow reminds me of Toulouse-Lautrec and La Goulue). I keep things pretty light. I will sometimes coordinate my eyeshadow with whatever clothing I am wearing (much in the same way as I coordinate my undergarments with what I'm wearing- so yes, if you see me wearing black & leopard print, then my underwear DO match. impeccably) but try to do so in a way that, again, enhances my eyes and doesn't make me look like I'm trying to be an extra on SVU about hookers. One of the ways I keep my eyes from looking trashy is called primer, or base. I personally use L'Oreal Magic Perfecting Base, and Almay Perfect Base Primer. These products help keep your makeup where you want it. I see so many women during the day that have mascara or eyeliner all loaded into their undereye baggage. Now, first of all, waterproof mascara (which BTW also means SWEATPROOF!) has been around for a while now. And, with the help of a base, your liner can also stay where it is supposed to. Plus Primer and Base BOTH make your skin look fab before you even put ANY foundation or concealer or powder on. I actually rarely use foundation or concealer, because A) Estee Lauder's idealist has evened out my skin tone like you wouldn't believe, and B) I use base and primer to take care of any remaining redness or aberrations so that all I need is a very light translucent powder to keep from getting shiny. Then I apply my eye makeup, then cheeks (I use a luminescent pearl powder that has different very light shades of pinks and bronzes, but gives a lustrous look to my face and highlights my cheekbones perfectly) and then mascara last. And my makeup doesn't move. Ever. At all. I so desperately want to take a picture of my L'Oreal Magic Perfecting Base, and leave it on these women's desks with a note saying "this stuff is money for taking care of your eye makeup and preventing you from looking like a $6 prostitute after a binge night in Vegas". (Side note, I also want to leave anonymous notes regarding people's "work" attire, as forementioned in the previous paragraph, but have yet to find a way to do it sneakily enough that no one will find out it was me trying to save their poor, badly dressed and made up souls).

Ok I have to get to bed....thank goodness tomorrow is Friday. Maybe I'll go wild and hit up a bar tomorrow night, where I can casually observe (and judge) and maybe make a new friend. We'll see.

G'night kids....glad to be back
*and this is where you all say, glad to HAVE you back*
xxxxxx

So here I am, taking a sick day (due to a morning fever and achy body), doing nothing really, downloading some musica, and watching trailers from the US version and the Swedish version of Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (and in the foreign versions, also for Girl Who Played with Fire, and Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest). So badass. With the exception of the fact that her life was kinda sucky and traumatic, I totally wish I could be as cool as Lisbeth Salander. But I wouldn't smoke. I would just choke and plus it is cancerous. Yuck. But the awesome hacking and motorcycle riding and all that, sweet. Of course, I'm not really the badass type I guess. Maybe I should get a giant dragon tattoo and see what that does for me, lol. In other news, not much going on. Have a party that I am the "designated photographer" for on Friday. Also, Kat and Chris will be coming home, likely with the dogs, and it is likely that they will be putting Dolce down on Friday and burying her at Chris' parent's house. She has a massive amount of cancer on her stomach and intestines and in her lymph nodes, so if she makes it to Friday, they'll bring her back and do it here. It is so sad. Our dogs are our family, and it is so difficult to have to let them go. But they honestly gave her the best life possible, after she had been homeless and through god only knows what else. And she loved being part of their family. It is just so hard. I have no idea what I'm going to do when Vivi has to go....I might just jump off the gold star bridge myself. Too Awful. Anyway...like I said not that much else going on. Kinda a nice day outside. Might force myself to get cleaned up and go breathe in some fresh air. We shall see.

A couple of Fridays ago, went to NYC to see Beth and Blew's new apartment, and met up with Cole, Phil, Kelly & Casey for drinks and fun times. And it was fun times. Stayed out till like 2am! Which if you know me, is really a big deal. I miss them all so much...I wish I lived closer or was more travel ready all the time so I could pop in and see them more often. Ah but what can you do. At least we had a lovely night....they are awesome.

Well.....thats about it. Nothing else goes on in my life really. But figured I'd post anyway, in the spirit of trying to keep up my blog.

it has been over a year...

and lots has happened. Surgical sympathectomies on both hands (resulting in much better Raynaud's control, as well as 6 massive and totally bad-ass scars), chemotherapy for my lupus (which totally helped my numbers- hooray!), a crazy toe infection that spread to the bone (osteomyelitis) that could NOT be killed off with just antibiotics, leading to a partial toe amputation. That one is still healing....there is a scab on the end that has to fall off, so until it does I'm not allowed to wear close-toed shoes on my left foot, because the surgeon fears anything rubbing against it will cause another infection. Great. Oh and I have had 3 blood clots in my arms due to picc-lines that were put in for antibiotics. I've not been at work all that much, but have been able to work from home a lot so I'm not completely broke and/or useless to CSC. Als, my dad recently returned home after having a crazy infection of his own that caused a major abscess on his spinal cord that had to be operated on. He had a second one later in the hospital stay, but that one was drained laparoscopically with no large wounds. After the hospital he was in a rehab facility (read- old people's home- super creepy) to build up his muscular strength and endurance, and now he has been released just yesterday, and is getting used to being back home. I am living at my mother's house because she feels that I don't take good enough care of myself, and when I have low blood sugars and things, it is too stressful for my father and younger sister to deal with. So Vivienne and I packed up our duds and moved to New London. It is strange, but we're doing ok. So that is the update really....not much else to say. I'm trying really really hard to keep pushing myself in PT and work to get better all the time, and I have frequent setbacks....but I think things will continue to improve if I keep a positive attitude. Fingers crossed!

in like a lion?

yea so it has been a while since I posted....sometimes I just get uninterested in blogging. whatevs. in any case, things have been crazy lately. STILL waiting on that damn job with benefits (though rumor has it the offer is imminent!) and my health has been in a state of chaos. Like 4 really scary lows in 2 weeks, insane amounts of exhaustion, crazy weight loss (we're getting to the 115 range) and a frequent inability to eat. Lack of appetite that is. I still don't know if I am iron deficient, or anemic (not the same evidently), I am definitely vitamin D deficient, and we discovered, luckily, that I have no cortisol related issues. And I wake up all nauseous and feeling weirdsville a lot. But I can't go visit my drs. and get tested for any of the things that could be causing my issues, because I'm uninsured. boo. boo. boo. so we wait and hope I don't just collapse in a heap of uselessness before I get made a job offer.

In other news, Kat and Chris have set the official date and location of the wedding: November 27, 2010, at Mystic Seaport. I personally love this idea because it is a historical location!!! I'm a nerd who gets excited about such things. And as the MoH, I do believe it is fair that I get a little teensy thrill out of the whole event. Tons to do before then lots of planning, bmaid dress finding, food selection, cake selection, flower selection, music selection etc etc. I'm excited for them though. I think it will be great.

The 'rents finally reached a divorce settlement, evidently g plans to move out of the house by Juneish, and p and I will remain here with the animals, allegedly living off of cat or dog food and keeping the heat turned down to 58. to conserve money. it is going to be so strange. I can't really imagine it actually. again, whatevs. I guess we'll figure that out when we get to that point.

thats all I gots. I know, booooring.

gloom & doom

Well, despite my best efforts and gearing up in my green makeup AND my #24 Darrelle Revis jersey, we couldn't pull it off. The Colts were too good. And you know, it WAS amazing enough that we made it so far, with a rookie QB and a rookie coach. AND this does keep our record pristine - every time we have made it to the superbowl, we've won it. (1 for 1) So now I'm all sad about it, to some people it is just a stupid game, but to me, it is much more. At least I get to watch some of my guys in the ProBowl- REVIS (yaaaaay) Mangold and Fanneca. So we'll see how that goes.

In other news, still making teensy tiny baby steps towards getting the full-time status that will ensure me insurance benefits, but it is a slow going process. Which is not good, since I have no coverage of course, and my health has taken a negative downturn. I've gotten down to 117, which is unheard of for me. It also means I've lost about 30 lbs in 3 months. And we can't figure out why. While most of it is because I do eat very little because I have no appetite, the rest just seems to be too much to make sense. My blood sugars haven't been that high to contribute to that. So we are concerned. Especially in combination with other symptoms: severe night sweats (drenching) often without fever, occasional fevers over 100, random mysterious bruising, nausea and lightheadedness. But I can't go get labwork without insurance. I can pay $205 for my actual dr's visit, but I can guarantee she will want a TON of bloodwork, and labwork and possibly even x-rays (to make sure there is no infection in my lungs or somewhere else). And I can't afford that on my own. It is like 1800 just for my standard tests, nevermind adding in any special things she wants done. So I really hope my stupid job would hurry the f up so I can be benefitted. Ugh.

I got a dress for the Symphony Ball that I am attending with my dad next weekend. It is a lovely shade of green. And today, I bid on this gorgeous vintage necklace & earrings set that would match the dress PERFECTLY and look so pretty. I hope I win and then am able to get it overnighted so I can be sure I have the piece in time for the Ball. I'm going with the classic gringoleth look. (have you read Gawain and the Green Knight? then you know what I mean) so I'm borrowing my mom's gold shoes, the green dress, the jewelery is gold with green stones, and then provided it isn't raining, my white fox fur coat. Yes, I have a fox fur. Because for my 25th birthday, my mom gave me the coat which she inherited from her Aunt Gladys, and I have treasured that coat since I was a very small child, so now it is mine. And since it was made back in the day, I most certainly do not feel guilty. I personally did not slay any sweet little snow foxes. I'm just trying to stay warm and stylish. And it is SOOOO soft. So I'm looking forward to that.

That is pretty much it. Have a 24-hour theatre project coming up so that should be interesting.