high school?

This morning I weighed 128 pounds (unclothed btw). I haven't seen that number on a scale since I was in good ol Montville High School. A number of emotions ran through me. First, giddiness. How could I not be excited? Every woman likes to see the lowest number possible pop up on the evil scale of death. Plus, I can also see the weight loss, especially when I turn sideways, my waist looks a lot smaller. And my pants don't fit. Excepting some that I haven't been able to fit into in a while. But mostly I have to wear belts, and tighten them a lot (some pants just look stupid when you have to belt them that hard....like they bunch up and you look like you're trying to wear your grandpas pants). The second emotion was fear. Not fear because I'm concerned that I'm losing too much, or for a wrong reason (which is that I am currently unable to eat moderate quantities of food without feeling extremely nauseous), but actually I was afraid my mother would find out. Now, mind you, at the time I weighed myself this morning, she was still completely asleep....dead to the world. But I get nervous that somehow she will discover it. SHE does not think it is right for me to be losing so much so fast...that this whole nauseous all the time thing is bad. I don't think it is bad. Because in a sense, it has freed me from my constant eating problem. I used to eat a ton all the time. And mostly junk food. But now that I've been forced to limit how much I eat before my stomach starts to reject it, I have been forced to make better choices about what to eat. In order to get my nutrients, I have to choose to eat veggies and fruits and proteins, and not have big carb items or other things that will both fill my shrinking stomach faster, but also have no nutritional benefits. Occasionally I have a snack that is like a 2"x2" brownie square, or one of those mini cookies, but other than that I can't eat that much. The other factor is that I can only eat certain things that appeal to me. That is a challenge, because so often I will contemplate food options in my head, and almost instantaneously will have a gut reaction as to whether or not I'll be able to eat it. The other day for example, I ran through a lot of options, leftovers from Thanksgiving (stomach turn), spaghetti (stomach turn), leftover Chinese (huge stomach turn) and I realized there were no options that I wanted in my house. So I decided not to eat dinner at all, re-set my insulin pump so I didn't die overnight, and went to bed. I am ok with this whole thing. I like to think of it as my body suddenly realizing what is good for it and making sure that I comply. My parents, particularly my mother, have an issue with it. I think she is in fear of me developing an eating disorder, because of the nameless sibling having an eating disorder for so long and my mother knowing nothing about it. But she doesn't understand that I don't have a choice...it is extremely difficult to force feed oneself when you're nauseous....almost impossible for me actually. When I am hungry, I do eat. But when I'm not, I can't. For now, I'm just trying to secretly enjoy the svelte-ing process, and ignore my crazed mother.