fill my eyes.....with that double vision

So today was kind of nutty. Once again, the managers at my workplace have me convinced that I too could be a manager, if only I lacked communication skills and common sense. Drat that college degree I got, and all the experience Reslife gave me of talking to people. After a long day of trying to make sense of the nonsense that occurs at CSC, right before I was supposed to leave and drive home, it hits me. Double vision madness. I was legit seeing two of everything. So I know I can't drive home seeing double. That is just asking for trouble. Especially because when combined with my already fuzzy vision, it made two very fuzzy outlines of everything. FML I think to myself. So I go into Dad's office, and tell him I'm seeing double, and he says, "did you drink some water?" WHAT? Really? Water is going to cure my double vision? I'm not dehydrated....just can't see straight. So he tells me to sit at my desk doing nothing till it subsides, and then, and ONLY then, can I drive home. And if it comes back whilst I'm driving, I am to pull over and get him to come get me. Riiiiiight. So I wait it out like 10 minutes, and then go back in and lie about how it is all better, and then I leave. So the drive home was weird. I felt like I was perhaps on a bad acid trip. Not that I have ever done acid, but it reminded me of when I had tried smoking pot a few times, only a lot worse. Because I was a bit nauseous and headachey too. So I get home, change into lazy clothes, and grab my UBER soft p-dam sweatshirt blanket, and rest on the couch for a while.

So now my vision is back to normal, still have a headache, and am sort of wondering what the f that was about. It has happened before. This time was actually not as bad as the last time. This time the two instances of whatever object were at least touching. Last time they were like two, separate items. If I hadn't known there was only one, I would have thought it was just two things. I guess I should ask my eye doctor what is up with that. Mad trippy though.

Getting my hair done tomorrow, since I'm past the two month mark (I'm in my 4th month ooops) and my roots are like 3 inches, and the ends are all scraggly (not like split dead end scraggly, more like the layers are uneven and I can't make them look right, they just fall weird) and so I get it fixed tomorrow. The consensus amongst family and friends is I should go with dark blonde/light brown LOWLIGHTS, and then put the goldey highlights over that. Everyone seems to want a bit darker, warmer look on me. I'm down with that. It isn't time for my brown/red look of autumn yet, so this might be a good transition. I hope so. And the cut will just be a re-shaping trim, since I'm still trying to grow it out, because my hair works better long. It is funny to me that I'm really not all that different from Khawk, only when she does something new with her hair it is usually drastic, and the colors way more intense, and mine are usually more subtle and less risky. Of course she never looks bad, partially due to her extreme confidence, I know I could never pull off half the looks she does. But we both change our styles up a lot. Interesting.

Well, with that, I'm pretty much done. I'm tired. Just weary. So, I'm going to read more of The Princess Bride, and then bed. h'Adios.

pooped pup

That is one sleepy puppy. This was Vivienne after we took her on a ride to the farm stand to get some sweet corn, fresh tomatoes and cucumbers. I had to drive, because my dad had already started sipping a Shock Top (hold the orange wedge please, you don't fruit the beer) and so he agreed to go buy the summer produce if I drove. And I agreed if we could bring lil Lulah. (in case you are lost, her full name is Vivienne Tallulah, hence the lulah). So we went, she dug her little doggy nails into my dad's leg flesh (summer time shorts offer little protection against claws) and stuck her head out the window, taking in the sultry summer scents of cut grass and hot cow poo (we have a lot of farms around). I really do like summer time. Even if it was really hot and humid today (doesn't affect us if we get too hot we come into the air conditioning) because tonight we get ribs on the grill, corn and tomato and cucumbers, and we're having a nice outdoors fire. And the dogs can come out and sit while we eat and just enjoy the evening air (that is, if the tired pup wakes up lol). I really wish I had friends around. I miss my buddies. I really would LOVE to go camping or something....I was especially jealous of the montauck camping trip S, A & H took. Maybe someone will want to do something soon. I keep trying to get in touch with C and P, but no word back yet. Boo. Anyway, nice summer evenings like tonight make me forget the other crap in the world....like how I'm somewhere on the verge of getting full time regular status at CSC, how I have yet to take any GREs, how I'm not sure I will apply in the fall.....ugh. All that crap disappears after a nice dinner, and then sitting by the fire, watching the lightning bugs dance through the night air.....

alas and alack

I have no motivation to write today. I'll do a brief sum up of life: it blows. in debt, unhappy, lonely for lack of friends, and fat. There you go. And now, pics from the 4th.

it is always tragic when a monarch dies

The sad and untimely passing of MJ, the King of Pop, has struck me oddly hard. I think perhaps it was because of how many times I have danced to his music. Alyson always had some MJ routine, either Thriller, or Beat It, or when we did They Don't Care About Us, and I was so excited because I got to be in front right next to Miss Alyson for the big number! His choreography and attention to detail in his videos can't be matched. No one could move like he could. And I'm sure his personal life was weird but I don't care about that. One, because it isn't my dang business, and two because I think his amazing talent and power as a performer completely outweighs anything else about him in my eyes. We have this video that has some of his best music videos and performances, and the dancing is SO AMAZING! Nevermind Billie Jean and the moonwalk....that is just the tip of the iceberg. Smooth Criminal, Beat It, Thriller-just phenomenal. I feel like there is just going to be a huge void in terms of innovative artists like that. When we were watching the Scream video, with both he and Janet, I wondered, "Does Janet ever feel awful just knowing that even though she made a name for herself, she will NEVER be HALF of what Michael was?" I don't know. I guess this post is sort of pointless and weird, gushing over an artist whose songs changed America's pop culture....but gush I will. I hope his soul is at peace. Thank you, Michael Jackson.

you CAN teach an old dog new tricks

Just not all the time. Or when they get distracted in puppy class and refuse to look at you whilst you are saying "sit" or "down" or "blankie" or anything really. So all that progress you made during the week, during all of your practice sessions, may feel like it was for naught, but it was not for naught. I know tomorrow when we practice, and even if we add the new things in "stand", "stay", "blankie" that Vivi will in fact learn them and watch me and focus. She just can't handle the crowd in class. Much like I can't handle crowds in real life. I didn't get frustrated with her. I know she'll learn. And really, the point of the class is not for her to show off in front of them, it is for her to learn these things for us, for our lives, at home. So I'm ok with it. She did get into another little scuffle with Chachi the lhasa apso, getting all snarly and badass with him when he wanted to play. She's really a brat sometimes. But tomorrow things will be learned, and reinforced, and old things will be reviewed, and it will be good.

In other news, a coworker of mine had a tragedy occur. Her partner of 20 years had a heart attack and died. He was a good guy. They weren't married, but had been together that whole time, and were pretty much inseparable. The worst part is that she doesn't get bereavement time off for it. Because they weren't married, and CT doesn't recognize common law marriage, so the company doesn't have to give her the time. She already used almost all of her sick and vacation time when she was actually sick after an emergency surgery. So now she is basically SOL. I'm going to bake some cookies tomorrow evening and bring them in for one of my other coworkers to bring to her (she is staying at her sisters, which is near where my other coworker lives) because first of all, she is skinnier than a rail to begin with, and I think cookies will help. Plus they are a comfort food. And even if she doesn't eat any, all the people staying at the house and coming around to check on her can have some. I just feel awful for her. Very sad. I keep praying for his soul, and for her and the family members. Even though I don't pray to "god" per se, I figure it can't hurt.

I had a rough weekend. A freakish, scarily low low blood sugar that wound up strangely like Steel Magnolias, where Shelby (Julia Roberts) has her diabetic shock and starts hitting M'lynn (Sally Field) and yelling at her. That would be ME as Shelby, and my poor dad as M'lynn. I was rather hostile and angry, and of course had no idea what I was talking about. Crazy. So that was pretty scary. Then Sunday, I had the flu. Not the swine flu, but the puking up your guts with a HORRIBLE headache. The only good thing to come of that (aside from the realization that stomach bile comes in a really intense shade of green) was that my appetite has calmed down considerably. I'm also on less steroids, but this last bump of intense nausea for two days really really helped me not want to eat all the time. Now, if only I can get back to the gym (patience, grasshopper). 

On the docket for the week: father's day shopping, baking for my coworker, perhaps a new toenail color? I'm just not sure yet. For now, a small snack perhaps and then bed. 

spellcheck pls- and other irritated ramblings

Ok ok, I know I used to be the spelling and grammar nazi, and that it was uber annoying and made everyone want to kill me, and so I gave up my crusade, but sometimes things really bug me when they are spelled incorrectly. Like it makes me want to jump through the computer screen to where the person is, and shake them, whilst crying "damnit you JUST graduated from college, WHY CAN'T YOU SPELL?!?!?" I know my spelling isn't always perfect. I have certain words that present a distinct challenge. Definitely is my worst word ever. But, they do in fact make spell check just for that very purpose. For the words that ALWAYS defy you. Even blogger here has it. So really, kids? Really? 

Of course, part of the reason it bothers me is that it is people who have been annoying to me lately. Not that they've done anything in particular to deserve my being annoyed at them, but I am. Actually, I could be annoyed at their drunken behavior, but it has been a whole week since that and so I can't still be mad that they kept pushing at my head, a la those "could have had a V8" commercials, and then attempted to body shove me off the curb at 4am. I can't still be irked by that. Though everyone knows I hold grudges longer than mormons hold on to their morals, so perhaps no one would be surprised by my snarky attitude towards them. I'm probably just jealous of the person's great life and great job and happiness and all that. I just manifest it in a bitchier way. I think once I feel like my life doesn't completely blow, I will feel better.

On that note, starting a bit more serious diet regimen. Just healthier really. Gotta get my cholesterol down, and the refined carb thing needs to go. Veggies*, fruits and some meats. But mostly other proteins like beans and nuts. And eggs occasionally. I can't stand the sight of myself, and even though my meds are being adjusted, I can't blame the meds for it all. It was my BAD eating habits. Like all those baked goods. Deliciously deadly. And hopefully I'll feel good enough to hit the gym again soon (oh and the fact that I owe them money and have to wait till I get paid to go back- blast this constant state of poverty!) but until then just taking it slow on the treadmill at home. And by slow I mean walking. For like 10 minutes at a time, since that seems to be all I can take. I know, I'm a wussbunny. But I try a bit at least. So we'll see how that goes. As of this morning, I am at a whopping 153 pounds. Not only is it above what I am supposed to be according to the BMI chart, but it is really bad for my bones because I actually have rather petite bones & bone structure. So it is too much weight on a weak frame. Like, trying to hang a Persian carpet to dry on one of those teeny bamboo drying racks you have in college to try and save money by air drying your clothes. Poor little frame doesn't stand a chance under all that weight. So that is my thing. I have to lose at least 20 pounds, though I wouldn't mind losing more (it always irritates me that my ratty mother only weighs like 115 or 120). So, goal = 20+ pounds. We'll see. 

*- I consider rice and potatoes to be veggies. I think they are healthy carbs. Or so I keep telling myself. :)

I love my friends