Maybe they're Irish Step Dancing!

For one of the first times ever in the history of life, I drove home from Purchase with no bad feelings. I wasn't sad, I wasn't angry, I was just content (and a bit sleepy). I had a nice visit with no drama. Saw Jami's and Gilbert's senior project performance (amazing and wonderful). Went to dinner with Al, A, and KHawk for some barbeque, then we dropped her off to wait for C at Buffalo Wild Wings (Yea get in the car, we'll just pause and you can jump from the car, tuck and roll Kells) and then I went to the show, then returned to Al's for some relatively quiet conversation, till K and C returned. Then listened to the folks upstairs as they nearly fell through the ceiling. (what do you think they're doing up there to make all that noise? Maybe they're Irish Step Dancing! Wow, Meagan's been waiting her whole life to make that reference.) Listened to C's latest exploits (NFL players and Tad O'Had). Today, early tea and conversation with A and then brunch with Becks, absolutely wonderful to catch up with her. And as I said, I managed to drive home with not an ill will to be felt. I just felt relaxed. Guess I'm actually getting over myself. And my lousy issues. It was sad to not have the whole group there, but hopefully soon we'll all be together again. Maybe in March for M's recital and KHawk's happy hour and then Me Encanta Sangria. (and maybe Stevie's birthday??) Who knows. 

So that was the long and short of things. For a lonely heart's Valentine's day, it wasn't so bad. Plus before I went up, Christopher came over and brought mom and I some chocolates and flowers and cards. It was really really nice of him. SisterK better keep that one. 

So yes. Not the most thrilling entry ever, but I'm relaxed, so I don't care too much. 

weekend postulations

It seems to me that I often write on weekends. And this is for several reasons I suppose. One being that on weekdays I'm too lazy. I literally go to work, go to the gym, watch tv and eat supper, and then usually crash to bed around 9something (yes I am an old woman). The second I guess would be that if I only do one entry a week, I have more to write, a whole week's buildup of weird or funny or sometimes boring-as-hell mundane bullshit. Frankly, this is really the only way I could do it, because not enough happens to me in one day to be worth writing. I'm pretty boring. 

This week consisted of gym time (and I'm going later today, between 3-4 to hopefully run into my lip pierced hs crush) a stressful work week, and blakeley not talking to me for the past 3 days. He is a tool. But I'm far too stubborn to break the silence. I absolutely refuse. This stems from being Irish and also just having to stand my ground in the family. Damnit, I will NOT give in. Last Saturday I got to see one of my dear TRON kids, Mike, playing viola for Ticket to Ride, a Moving Out sort of Beatles tribute with dance and a loose story line. It was WONDERFUL to see him. And since he won't be available when I go up for Valentine's day, it was good that I got to catch up with him then. Hear some pretty shocking news about other family members, though I've been told I shouldn't be shocked....that this person has been like this all along, and I just didn't get it. Which is true. I'm actually pretty worried. I still have this hope that he (not mike, the other person) will turn it around and stop being some egomaniacal asshole and realize that one- he isn't god and two- people aren't always criticizing him because they are jealous but more because perhaps they are concerned for his seemingly evil mortal soul. I still love him dearly, as I do all my family members, but I just worry. He can't really be that bad of a person, can he? And I know part of my denial is that I don't want to admit that I could have been so completely wrong about a person. Ugh. Oh well. Maybe he'll be better. Or at the very least, stop doing hurtful things to people that he is supposed to be friends with. I can hope. 

I am extremely excited to go for my visit. Planning a yummy dessert treat to bring up, even if we aren't having a dinner/formal thing. I just miss them. And it will be especially perfect if the city kids can all make it. It has been far too long since I've seen their faces. And being that I am friendless back here at home, it will be nice to feel like I have some again. And I'm psyched to see Jamison's show, it promises to be quite good....I'm sure it will be. 

Did some more research on William and Mary, finding out that Jon Stewart went there, as did Glenn Close, very interesting. I can't wait to go down there. I know I'm over thinking, since I haven't really begun the necessary processes to get in, but I really want to move to Virginia like now. Warm(er) weather, Colonial Williamsburg....how could I go wrong. So that is taking up some of my time...thinking about grad school.

Well I guess that is kind of it. Like I said, if I didn't save all the whole week up for one entry, things would just be two liners, like "hey I'm alive. today." So better to save it up and unload one larger entry, right? Of course right.

holy hour glass figure batman

Let us just take a moment and appreciate women from the 50's. Here we have Vera Ellen, star of many films, amazing dancer with incredible legs, and in later life, a fear of showing her neck (due to some irrational idea that her neck skin was gross or something). Look at that figure. Just look. I could starve myself for years, hit the gym every dang day, and I still wouldn't look like that (not withstanding the small fact that I am currently a redhead and not nearly as pretty as her anyway). Not even with that sweet corset. Though I might invest in one anyway. Nothing wrong with a little help sucking in the grossness. And those legs! Ugh. Meanwhile, here I am in some sweatpants and an old lady bathrobe. Contemplating hitting the gym for hours today. Good gravy am I a fatass or what?

In other news, I'm in a bit of a rut/weird dreams time right now. As usual, I'm dissatisfied with life in general. Mostly  sick of living at home with my parents. Mostly mom. Because she is a colossal bitch sometimes. Like last night, just acting like I am retarded about my own dog. I came home last night and she told me that viv hadn't been out in a while. ok. But she wasn't near the door, or whining to go so I said "I'll take her when she has to go". Then later as the dogs were pestering dad for food, she said it again. And then I said "she is completely mooching right now. she doesn't have to go. If she had to go she would let us know" and instead my jerk mother looks at me like I'm dumb, starts muttering under her breath about how I'm torturing my dog, and how she has to be the only sensible person in the house, and all this other crap, and puts her coat on and has to drag viv out the door, since she wasn't interested in going out at the moment, since all she wanted was some pot roast from my dad. So she drags her out, then when she comes back in glares at me and keeps muttering. So, despite the fact that it was 7:30 at night, I went to bed. I put on my headphones, locked my door, and went to sleep. Because I can't deal with her fucking bullshit. And my only options are go away, or go to sleep. So I just went to sleep. She does this all the time. Acting like I'm some sort of moron, or just a lazy slug who does nothing but mooch off of them. I know I'm lame still living at home and not having a real job and not having my own place and plan, but christ, does she really have to make me feel so worthless? 

Other than that, just plain bored. Work sucks. I don't have friends here. I'm counting down the days till my next Purchase visit so I can be around people who are my friends and get me and don't make me feel so lousy. And stupid blakeley was being jerky this week. I kind of think men suck. And usually, I have friends that are guys and its fine. But he can't even be my friend without wigging out about it and being stupid. He is so paranoid. He really thinks that anyone at work gives a crap about us hanging out. NO ONE CARES! EVERYONE IS TOO WRAPPED UP IN THEIR OWN LIVES TO CARE! But he doesn't get it. It seems like a lot of effort for friends. Maybe I'll just give it up altogether. Whatevs. Had a bunch of weird dreams about people from high school. Maybe because of last week's odd Dubliner experience where everyone was there. And the fact that I see Murph at the gym all the time. Maybe I'm secretly longing for some badass guy to sweep me off my feet and give me some lip-pierced MO session. Who knows.

I think I've rambled enough. 

Have you ever considered a career in Periodontics?

So at some point this week, perhaps Monday, my upper right bicuspid tooth was kind of hurting. So I decided to investigate. I probed the area of that tooth and gums with my tongue, and then looked in a mirror to examine the offending painful zone. What did I find? It seemed to me to be a familiar scene in which the gum was pulling away from the tooth area, exposing my ever-so-sensitive roots to the world. (are my roots showing?) The reason this scene was familiar was a year and a half ago, my two bottom front teeth had a similar issue going on. I was referred, at that time, to a periodontist, who informed me that the muscle-ey connective tissue that links your gums to your lips, mine was placed unusually high up on those front lower gums, resulting in the gums themselves being pulled downwards, exposing my roots in a rather unflattering and dangerous manner. Dangerous, of course, because if the roots of your teeth are exposed, plaque and tartar and all that awful stuff can attack your teeth at their most sensitive part. So, a year and a half ago, I had a gum graft surgery. In this procedure, my periodontist (Dr. Trailor) first cut the overly zealous connective muscle, so it wouldn't keep pulling my gums down, then took some gum tissue from the left roof of my mouth (where it is a particular type of gum tissue that re-grows very well) and placed it in the front, both to prevent the gums from receding further down, and also to hopefully regrow them a bit, bringing my receding gumline up. 

And now, a year and a half later, I find the same situation as before, only this time on my upper right bicuspid. It didn't seem to be as far receded as the earlier one, but it was still enough to bother me. In the spirit of preventative action, I headed back to Dr. Trailor. I explained to him what I believed to be occurring. He first chose to examine his old work. He noted how healthy it looked, and that in fact, I was gaining some in the front. He patted himself on the back. Then he looked at the new area. "Wow. You're getting very good at this. Have you ever considered a career in Periodontics?" No. The idea of sticking my fingers in some person's mouth makes me want to vom. A lot. In any case, he went on to say well you've been through this all before, we'll do another graft to prevent further recession. Same deal. Basically my gum had already receded 2-3 mm, which they had not done a year and a half ago. So the next opening was early the next morning. So in I went. The procedure was the same, though I feel like I was much more nervous, having had the whole thing done before. Even though I couldn't feel anything (that local novocaine really is top notch) I was shaking like a leaf. I could not calm down even though I knew I wouldn't feel it at all. I closed my eyes, and couldn't tell when he was even cutting or sewing or anything, but I kept shaking. Afterwards, got my scripts for an antibiotic and some vicodin, and came home. And promptly put ice on my face, and slept. The past two days have been a lot of sleep. I'd like to think that it is because of the drugs. But yesterday especially I could barely keep my eyes open. Terrible.

But, being in pain does not mean one can't have fun. Last night went over to a friend's for Miss America Party with mom. Made crowns, and sashes. I'm "Miss OverMedic8ed". We watched the pageant, were grossly disappointed by Miss Indiana's win (her dress alone should have disqualified her. it was heinous. See upper left) and ate some lasagna and chatted. It was a good time. Home around 11:45, by then my face feeling like someone had smashed it with a cast iron frying pan, so quickly to bed after some pain pills.

Hopefully tomorrow will be ok. I don't want to go to work all sore and cranky. I suspect I don't have a choice. I'll just keep my fingers crossed. And the vicodin close at hand. 

angel food love

well let us see. Not a ton has actually gone on lately. Went out to dinner with blakeley on Thursday evening, learned more about him than I cared to know ever in life....but it was ok. He is just weird. Also saw Slumdog Millionaire with mom on Wednesday, it was pretty good. Parts of it were incredibly sad, but not surprising for life in India to be honest. Unfortunately mom wasn't really aware of conditions in India (unlike sisterK and I, she had never read A Fine Balance, so she didn't know how horrific it was) and was a bit bothered by some of the things. But it had a good ending so that was all that mattered to me. Things have been slow. Still trying to work with insurance to get my treatments in. Missing the friends like crazy. I really want to get in a visit soon, but I guess that depends on when the rest of them can do stuff, what with school and work and all that stuff. But I do miss them. And a family trip would be good. And seeing all the pictures of them makes me miss them more. 

On a more superficial note, went to JCrew yesterday and picked up some nice items with my gift card, and then also some of my own earnings (too much really) but was pleased with what I found. Couldn't get any new pants though...evidently I really am petite, because all regular sizes are way too long on me.  And I end up looking like a small child attempting to wear her mother's trousers. Ridiculous. I'll have to go some other time. Or perhaps look for skirts, since I don't wear nearly enough of those lately. 

Well....time to help pablo take down the christmas tree. Fun times. Had by all.

holy orcas batman!

So the theme of my 24th was anything and everything oceanic. On the way to the NE aquarium, we listened to Abby and Beth's Meg Birthday Mix which included such classic sea shanties as A Whale of a Tale, and then a few less easy to discern like Ebony and Ivory (the color of orcas) or Kiss From a Rose (by SEAL). The aquarium itself was awesome, with three different types of penguins, shaaaaaaaks, and sea turtles. And a bajillion other forms of aquatic life. Even anacondas (but JLo was nowhere to be found). Then we came home to rest before dinner, presents, and cake, in what EA best described as a room decorated like an orca prom. Got lots of awesome gifts, such as the supersoft Ralph Lauren socks, a penguin nightlight, Happy Birthday to You by Dr. Seuss and other lovely items. Opened, but did not break open, my orca pinata, and then just relaxed. Abs and EA also cleaned my room as a gift, probably the best gift ever. All in all, a great day. I can't wait till the next TRON trip or visit. That will be great. Well, that's all I've got.

blackberry

So I am doing this on my new blackberry phone/internet thing. Here is how it went down: dad called me at work to tell me that somehow my phone was up for an upgrade and to meet him and mom at the verizon store. So, once there, we were assisted by a former punk (I say this only because of the huge holes in his ears where gauges once resided) named Raymond. He helped my mom pick out an easy texting phone, and then proceeded to help me acquire this tricked out little beauty. Initially, I offered to pay for the internet myself, but at the end of the day the folks got so many discounts on other stuff they just decided they could pay for it. Thus,I am now blogging via blackberry. And I find this to be the coolest thing ever. I was going to just keep longing for an iphone for the rest of my poor sad life (because goodness knows I can't afford one on my own and my father would never pay for that shiznit) but to be honest, to me this is just as cool. New Years was pretty sweet- went to Blakeley's and had a pretty good time. Got home at 4:30 am and it was kind of the only time I've ever stayed up that late not in the safety of my TRON fam. It was fun though. I did miss everyone though. Just about a week till my birthday...I'm uber excited though who knows what those ratty twins have in store for it!