Oh Monday Monday how could you leave and not take me?

I'm beginning to feel the wear of the situation, on me, my siblings, and my relatives. K & B are getting mad tense and snapping at everything and both acting as though they aren't the bitchy ones. A & I are trying to lay low. Keep a minimal profile. Except A goes in and sits with nonnie. I cannot. It makes me horrifically uncomfortable and feeling like I shouldn't be there. So I don't go in. And that bothers some people. But I can't do it. And despite taking extra prednisone and trying not to mess up, I can feel my body start to react to the stress. The muscle and joint pain, the swelling, and the headaches. And of course every three to five minutes I spasm and a few times since I was eating, started to choke. Tonight, early to bed. More rest means less body reaction. I hope.

In other news, the incomparable Alfred Hunt wrote me a recommendation for the Mitchell Scholarship, and sent me a little email letting me know that he had just returned from Europe and apologized for not doing it sooner. The man is wonderful. I have to travel to Purchase to get a "certified" copy of my transcript (from which to make 9 other copies, not certified) and of course to get my damn diploma after what I'm sure will be a fun battle with the library. Oh and to pay parking tickets. Fucking Purchase. And perhaps see some friends. But I won't be able to get there till after all this stuff is over. I have jury duty August 22nd, yay for doing your civic duty! And going to Boston to see if the rheumatologists at Beth Israel are more compassionate and more intelligent than mine, who believes that despite my constant pain, since my bloodwork is good, I'm good. Dick.  Still have lots of resumes out there, hoping to find something. Need good insurance. 

But really, other than the whole death looming over my house thing, things are good. I'm lucky. I know this. And for some reason, some little part in my brain is all my buddy A telling me "you need to experience life just like everyone else" so maybe this is just a lesson. Maybe this is about learning to experience things and that you just have to take it in and learn and not be angry or bitter. Death is part of life. I wish he was here. Its pretty stupid when I'm falling apart all I want is for him to pat me on the head and comfort me. But I appreciate the outpouring of kindness from my friends, near and far. As lame and cheesy as it may seem, I gain some strength knowing that everyone cares.