I don't even have words

So I've already lost interest in that fellow. He's not interesting. Doesn't talk enough. Basically isn't someone I could see myself with. I think I thought the first date was fun because I had fun talking a lot. I am, in fact, just as egocentric as A, though with perhaps slightly more soul. Though not much. As evidenced by the fact that I'm already sick of that guy. And now don't know how to tell him. Perhaps I'll just keep avoiding calls and messages, and say my phone was on the fritz. Or just be honest and say  I'm not interested. There isn't a nice way to do that. But oh well.

I also found out something that makes me want to disappear into a black hole. I'm thinking of retreating again. Into myself. My depressed, miserable self. The person I don't like, and I know no one else likes. Only this time hopefully I can avoid the food aspect. You know, the part where I eat a million pounds of food per day. No, this time I will just be silent and empty. Because that is really how I feel. 

I'm pretty sure part of the reason I don't like anyone is because I don't like me. I hate me. I don't even care about finding happiness anymore. It won't happen. So I think I'm going to try to find away to fade away as quietly and easily as possible. I don't find my life to be worth it.