And by that, I mean temperature wise. Cool people often aren't really that cool, I've found. I've also found that heat waves suck. I'm melting like a popsicle in hell. Sweating like a ho in church. That sort of deal. Gross.
I said before I would update about Maine, but really, I was only there a day and was not present for all the really great moments. Which both makes me mad/jealous, and also a bit feeling as though I don't belong with them in the first place. I'm not really fun. I like observing their fun madness, but I am never really part of it. And for some reason, I feel like they only let me in out of pity. Even when they all came to my place for my party, I felt like they felt they had to. Excepting one person, of course. And there is the whole going away party for little L tonight, and of course I can't go (one, its a Tuesday, two, its two hours away, three I have to work in the am duh) and that makes me feel even more detached from them. As if I didn't already, since they get to see each other and hang out and be fun like every damn day. I know I'm supposed to grow up, but isn't that like, a choice? Don't I get to be the one to decide its time? I feel like its being forced upon me, and making me think my friends don't really want to be my friends (again there are exceptions to this). I don't know. I feel like I've been fired as TRON Mom, like I'm not even in the family at all.
Maybe I'm just being mopey and depressed because I'm hot and tired, and had a shitty day at work which I feel like is going to get worse as I "escalate" the issue, following company procedure. I'm applying for a gajillion jobs, sending out resumes and letters and all sorts of nonsense. I'm working on the play- doing my part of the research for my character (its like homework for community theatre- crazy). And this Saturday I get to see my BEST FRIEND EVER, though only for breakfast. Briefly. Stupid Michigan. But even a bit of time will be great. I miss her so much. If she was around, even if I did miss my purchase folks and feel like they didn't like me, I would be able to pick her up and we could go somewhere and do something awesome and it wouldn't hurt so much. Because even though I know she loves me, its better when shes here to show me.
The rest of my party was great- John & Lesley Byrnes came so that was AWESOME. and David, Dylan and Patrick Conaway (I haven't seen the kids in like 3 years). Also Patty & Frank, Joanne (missed her soooo much) and Jon and Toni-Anne stopped by too. And the Baldwins. And my grandpa and nonnie (though she hermited up in her room for most of it). The food was great, I tried my hardest to be a perfect hostess, and overall it was pretty sweet.
The next day the kids left mad early, and later the sisters and I saw Batman (AMAZINGINCREDIBLEBESTMOVIEOFLIFEPOSSIBLYEVER) And later Mamma Mia (don't waste your time. And if you EVER enjoyed Pierce Brosnan as Bond, for your own sake, keep far away) Now back to the main boring crap of life. Tonight, seeing EA and Pablo play a gig in Mystic (margaritas to follow I hope!). Next weekend, Adirondacks with the family (sans EA) then the next week, Styx and Boston in concert! wooooo. Hopefully all this fun will get me out of my schlump. And maybe it will finally thunderstorm and release us from this death. We shall see.
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